If we haven't been shown how to ride the waves and regulate our own emotions, we tend to stick to dry land and become fearful of sensations within the body and of showing them to anybody else too. To be able to feel we needed modelling of that behaviour around us and to be told our feelings are valid and ok. We are ok for showing them, for being upset, angry, fearful, sad. However, when we are not allowed to be that way growing up, we feel that it’s just not acceptable, and we are not acceptable and so we push our emotions inside. We develop an almost phobic avoidance of our feelings and believe that they and we are just too much.
You are not too much, nor are your feelings and there are some people out there (those who are in touch and able to ride the waves and manage their feelings) who can and will listen and be able to hear yours!! Try not to pick the people who are avoidant of emotions themselves. That will be a pattern repeat of what happened to you in your childhood, you won’t feel acknowledged, seen and validated, which is so often what part of us so deeply wants. Instead, find someone who’s in touch with themselves, their history and shares their feelings, that way they will truly be able to hear yours too. It’s a great start when we start being accepted and even loved for all that we feel, whether positive or what we’ve labelled negative. Because on our trauma dissolving journey’s I’m sorry to say we can’t be happy and cheerful all the time!! Often it’s a bumpy ride when we are attempting to dissolve the old. But you can do it with support and encouragement, we all need a little bit of help along the way though.
