DBT - Wise Mind: Balancing Emotion and Reason (Part-5)

DBT - Wise Mind: Balancing Emotion and Reason - Are there times where you make impulsive decisions based on how you’re feeling in the moment? What about other times where you convince yourself that your feelings don’t matter and make decisions purely based on facts, what you “should do” or what is “right?” Who is the wisest person you know?

Think for a moment…. This is the person that you would go to for advice about a situation. The person who would help you balance the cold, hard fact with your feelings & the things that are most important to you as a person. What advice has this person given you in the past about things? What is it about them that makes you think they are “wise? Is this different than if they were “smart? What is “Wise Mind?” 

 In short, in DBT “Emotion Mind” refers to a state of mind where you make decisions based purely on your feelings and emotions. This may be yelling something hurtful out of anger, binging or purging food to change feelings of sadness and aloneness, or quitting something because you’re afraid of failure just to name a few examples. 

On the other hand, “Reasonable Mind” is the complete opposite. Many people believe they should operate in this state of mind where all decisions are made devoid of emotion and based purely on reason and logic. This mind state considers facts, rigid ideals and self judgments. For instance, you may ignore your feelings of anger at a friend who hurts you or reschedule your day because you “should” say yes when your mom asks you to do something. Wise Mind is the synthesis of these two opposites. Wise Mind means acting in a rational way that helps you accomplish your goals while still acknowledging and honoring your feelings.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills (D-E-A-R M-A-N DBT SubSkill) Part-4

What on earth is D-E-A-R M-A-N and how is it supposed to help you get what you want in relationships?

This mnemonic device was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan as a component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to help remind people of the basic skills involved in getting what you want in relationships in a healthy manner.

It is important in all of our relationships that we feel capable of communicating with others about our expectations in relationships.

Dialectical behavior therapy skills (DBT skills) offer tips for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, The Middle Path, and interpersonal effectiveness. DEAR MAN is a subskill of interpersonal effectiveness. You can use it to resolve a conflict or make a request in a respectful and effective way that maintains a relationship. “DEAR MAN” is an acronym, with each letter representing its own skill. As you study and implement these skills, you’ll find that having hard conversations becomes easier over time.

#Describe the situation in a simple way. State only the facts in your description. At this point, you’re not expressing your feelings or asking for anything. You’re setting up for the conversation using facts.

#Express how you’re feeling using “I” statements. An “I” statement means that you’re taking accountability and prevents the other person from going into defense mode.

#Assert by either asking for your need or saying no firmly (depending on the situation). To “assert” your needs means that you are asking for what you want in a clear and strong way. Don’t beat around the bush or don’t allude to what you want.

#Reinforce by making sure that the other person knows why they should grant your request.

(stay) #Mindful. Try not to become distracted by things going on around you. Instead, do your best to stay focused on the conversation. If the person you’re talking to is acting defensive, try to keep the conversation on course.

#Appear #Confident. Regardless of how you feel on the inside, present yourself as though you feel confident. Do this by keeping your head up, standing or sitting up straight, making direct eye contact, and speaking loudly and clearly.

#Negotiate. Remember that you aren’t demanding anything, you’re asking for something. If the person you’re speaking with isn’t on board with your request, remember the phrase “give to get”. You might need to alter your request to make it more appealing to the other person. Have a conversation about how you might be able to resolve the problem together. In the end, you’ll be able to come to a solution that works for both of you.

Read about it & Practice on daily basis !! See the magic ❤️❤️

DBT Skill Willingness (Part-3)

 

DBT Skill #Willingness is the skill of realizing you are part of and connected to the rest of the universe.

By Brent Menninger

1. Willingness = DOING JUST WHAT IS NEEDED in each situation, in an unpretentious way. A wonderful outcome of Willingness is Effectiveness.

2. Willingness = listening very closely to your WISE MIND, acting from your inner self.

3. Willingness = ALLOWING into awareness your connection to the universe, to the earth, to the floor you are standing on, to the chair you are sitting on, to the person you are talking to.

4. Choose WILLINGNESS (over) WILLFULNESS

A) Willfulness is SITTING ON YOUR HANDS when action is needed, refusing to make changes that are needed.

B) Willfulness is GIVING UP.

C) Willfulness is the OPPOSITE OF 'DOING WHAT WORKS,' being effective.

D) Willfulness is trying to FIX every situation.

E) Willfulness is REFUSING TO TOLERATE the moment.

F) Replace WILLFULNESS with WILLINGNESS

Willingness versus Willfulness

Willingness is the skill of realizing you are part of and connected to the rest of the universe. Willingness is playing your part, as best you can, with what you have, at this point in time. Willingness is a commitment to actively participate in your part of the cosmic process and allow the world to be what it is, no matter what happens. Willingness is bringing the attitude of full participation to your life.

Willfulness is disconnecting from your Wise Mind and the opposite of willingness. If willingness is realizing you are a part of and connected to life, willfulness is denying reality, refusing to be part of the cosmic process, or giving up hope. Willfulness is saying no to life itself, saying no to reality, and saying no to what is. If you experience willfulness, turn your mind back to Radical Acceptance.

Alacrity can readiness and eagerness; alacrity is a special kind of willingness that is characterized by cheerfulness. This is willingness as joyous activity.

Metaphors for willingness and willfulness

Hitting baseballs from a pitching machine is a metaphor for willingness. Like the pitching machine keeps throwing balls at you, life throws reality at you. You need to keep your eye on the ball to hit it and swing. As each ball comes, focus on giving it your best shot. Willfulness, crying, defiance or denial does not stop the ball. If you stand in the way of the ball, BAM!, the ball hits you. You will not hit any balls if you stand there doing nothing. Ignoring the ball does not make it stop coming. Willingness is taking your best swing at the ball.

Life is like a game of cards
It makes no difference to a good card player what cards she is dealt. Her objective is to play each hand as well as possible. As soon as one hand is played, another hand is dealt. She puts the last game behind her and focuses on the current game. She is mindful to play the current hand the best she can. She knows that if she plays her cards skillfully, she is doing the best she can. She can only control what cards she plays, not the hand she is dealt or how the others play. When she plays her cards, she lets go of what she can not control. Win or lose, she accepts how the cards fall. When one game is over, she focuses on the next hand of cards.

How will you play the next hand life deals you? With acceptance of a tough reality? Turning your mind to how you can make the best of a tough situation? Willing to look for solutions? You can do it.

DBT LIFE SAVING SKILL (Part-2)

 

Have you ever wondered why some people get destroyed by suffering, and other people, when they suffer, they don't get destroyed. In fact, some people not only don't get destroyed by suffering, but they...they seem to become even stronger just by going through suffering. Have you ever thought about that?

RADICAL #ACCEPTANCE

Can you think of any really serious problems, really serious pain, serious traumas, things that make you really unhappy that you can't change?

What are your options? You can be miserable or you can accept the reality that you've got it. Maybe you've had a really painful childhood. You know, a lot of people have to live with that; you just have to live with the fact that those happy childhoods you see on tv aren't in your life and there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe you didn't get a job that you really wanted - there's nothing you can do about it.

These are just not the kind of things you can start being happy about. So what are your options? You can either be miserable or you can figure out a way to accept the reality of your own life.

So what's Radical Acceptance? What do I mean by the word 'radical'? Radical means complete and total. It's when you accept something from the depths of your soul. When you accept it in your mind, in your heart, and even with your body. It's total and complete.

When you've radically accepted something, you're not fighting it. It's when you stop fighting reality. That's what radical acceptance is.

The problem is, telling you what it is and telling you how to do it are two different things. Radical acceptance can't really be completely explained. Why not? Because it's something that is interior - it's something that goes on inside yourself. But all of us have experienced radical acceptance so what I want you to do right now is to try to focus in on sometime in your life when you've actually accepted something, radically - completely and totally.

Most people can find some place in their life where that's happened to them and where they've accepted it, and that's what I mean by radical acceptance.

You may have a lot of sadness. Acceptance often goes with a lot of sadness actually, but even though you've got sadness, there's a feeling like a burden's lifted. Usually if you've accepted, you feel, well, ready to move on with your life. Sort of feel free, ready to move. So that's what it feels like.

Let's keep going. Pain is pain. Suffering, agony, are pain plus non-acceptance. So if you take pain, add non-acceptance you end up with suffering. Radical acceptance transforms suffering into ordinary pain.

There are three parts to radical acceptance.

1. The first part is accepting that reality is what it is.
2. The second part is accepting that the event or situation causing you pain has a cause.

3. The third part is accepting life can be worth living even with painful events in it.

The wing of clear seeing is often described... as #mindfulness. This is the quality of awareness that recognizes exactly what is happening in our moment- to-moment experience. When we are mindful of fear, for instance, we are aware that our thoughts are racing, that our body feels tight and shaky, that we feel compelled to flee-and we recognize all this without trying to manage our experience in any way, without pulling away. Our attentive presence is unconditional and open-we are willing to be with whatever arises, even if we wish the pain would end or that we could be doing something else. That wish and that thought become part of what we are accepting. Because we are not tampering with our experience, mindfulness allows us to see life "as it is." This recognition of the truth of our experience is intrinsic to Radical Acceptance: We can't honestly accept an experience unless we see clearly what we are accepting.

The second wing of Radical Acceptance, #compassion, is our capacity to relate in a tender and sympathetic way to what we perceive. Instead of resisting our feelings of fear or grief, we embrace our pain with the kindness of a mother holding her child. Rather than judging or indulging our desire for attention or chocolate or sex, we regard our grasping with gentleness and care. Compassion honors our experience; it allows us to be intimate with the life of this moment as it is. Compassion makes our acceptance whole-hearted and complete.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Part-1)

 

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy. ( DBT was developed in the late 1980s by Dr. Marsha Linehan and colleagues when they discovered that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) alone did not work as well as expected in people with BPD )

Its main goals are to teach people how to live in the moment, cope healthily with stress, regulate emotions, and improve relationships with others.

DBT incorporates a philosophical process called dialectics. Dialectics is based on the concept that everything is composed of opposites and that change occurs when there is a "dialogue" between opposing forces, or in more academic terms—thesis, antithesis, and synthesis.

More specifically, dialectics makes three basic assumptions:

1. All things are interconnected.
2. Change is constant and inevitable.
3. Opposites can be integrated to form a closer approximation of the truth.

(Dialectical thinking refers to the ability to view issues from multiple perspectives and to arrive at the most economical and reasonable reconciliation of seemingly contradictory information and postures. )

DBT Skills training is made up of four modules: core mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. They are designed to specifically assist individuals in better managing behaviors, emotions and thoughts. The intent is to help people who experience problems with anger or the expression of anger, episodic depression, irritability or anxiety, intense or chaotic relationships, impulsivity, stress and feelings of emptiness.

1. Core Mindfulness teaches a person how to focus their mind and attention.

2. Distress Tolerance develops acceptance of the current situation as well as crisis survival skills to decrease the likelihood of engaging in problematic behavior.

3. Emotion Regulation skills include learning to identify and label current emotions, identifying obstacles to changing emotions, reducing emotional reactivity, increasing positive emotions and changing emotions.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills teach helpful strategies for asking for what one needs, saying no, and coping with interpersonal conflict.