Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills (D-E-A-R M-A-N DBT SubSkill) Part-4

What on earth is D-E-A-R M-A-N and how is it supposed to help you get what you want in relationships?

This mnemonic device was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan as a component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to help remind people of the basic skills involved in getting what you want in relationships in a healthy manner.

It is important in all of our relationships that we feel capable of communicating with others about our expectations in relationships.

Dialectical behavior therapy skills (DBT skills) offer tips for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, The Middle Path, and interpersonal effectiveness. DEAR MAN is a subskill of interpersonal effectiveness. You can use it to resolve a conflict or make a request in a respectful and effective way that maintains a relationship. “DEAR MAN” is an acronym, with each letter representing its own skill. As you study and implement these skills, you’ll find that having hard conversations becomes easier over time.

#Describe the situation in a simple way. State only the facts in your description. At this point, you’re not expressing your feelings or asking for anything. You’re setting up for the conversation using facts.

#Express how you’re feeling using “I” statements. An “I” statement means that you’re taking accountability and prevents the other person from going into defense mode.

#Assert by either asking for your need or saying no firmly (depending on the situation). To “assert” your needs means that you are asking for what you want in a clear and strong way. Don’t beat around the bush or don’t allude to what you want.

#Reinforce by making sure that the other person knows why they should grant your request.

(stay) #Mindful. Try not to become distracted by things going on around you. Instead, do your best to stay focused on the conversation. If the person you’re talking to is acting defensive, try to keep the conversation on course.

#Appear #Confident. Regardless of how you feel on the inside, present yourself as though you feel confident. Do this by keeping your head up, standing or sitting up straight, making direct eye contact, and speaking loudly and clearly.

#Negotiate. Remember that you aren’t demanding anything, you’re asking for something. If the person you’re speaking with isn’t on board with your request, remember the phrase “give to get”. You might need to alter your request to make it more appealing to the other person. Have a conversation about how you might be able to resolve the problem together. In the end, you’ll be able to come to a solution that works for both of you.

Read about it & Practice on daily basis !! See the magic ❤️❤️