DBT LIFE SAVING SKILL (Part-2)

 

Have you ever wondered why some people get destroyed by suffering, and other people, when they suffer, they don't get destroyed. In fact, some people not only don't get destroyed by suffering, but they...they seem to become even stronger just by going through suffering. Have you ever thought about that?

RADICAL #ACCEPTANCE

Can you think of any really serious problems, really serious pain, serious traumas, things that make you really unhappy that you can't change?

What are your options? You can be miserable or you can accept the reality that you've got it. Maybe you've had a really painful childhood. You know, a lot of people have to live with that; you just have to live with the fact that those happy childhoods you see on tv aren't in your life and there's nothing you can do about it. Maybe you didn't get a job that you really wanted - there's nothing you can do about it.

These are just not the kind of things you can start being happy about. So what are your options? You can either be miserable or you can figure out a way to accept the reality of your own life.

So what's Radical Acceptance? What do I mean by the word 'radical'? Radical means complete and total. It's when you accept something from the depths of your soul. When you accept it in your mind, in your heart, and even with your body. It's total and complete.

When you've radically accepted something, you're not fighting it. It's when you stop fighting reality. That's what radical acceptance is.

The problem is, telling you what it is and telling you how to do it are two different things. Radical acceptance can't really be completely explained. Why not? Because it's something that is interior - it's something that goes on inside yourself. But all of us have experienced radical acceptance so what I want you to do right now is to try to focus in on sometime in your life when you've actually accepted something, radically - completely and totally.

Most people can find some place in their life where that's happened to them and where they've accepted it, and that's what I mean by radical acceptance.

You may have a lot of sadness. Acceptance often goes with a lot of sadness actually, but even though you've got sadness, there's a feeling like a burden's lifted. Usually if you've accepted, you feel, well, ready to move on with your life. Sort of feel free, ready to move. So that's what it feels like.

Let's keep going. Pain is pain. Suffering, agony, are pain plus non-acceptance. So if you take pain, add non-acceptance you end up with suffering. Radical acceptance transforms suffering into ordinary pain.

There are three parts to radical acceptance.

1. The first part is accepting that reality is what it is.
2. The second part is accepting that the event or situation causing you pain has a cause.

3. The third part is accepting life can be worth living even with painful events in it.

The wing of clear seeing is often described... as #mindfulness. This is the quality of awareness that recognizes exactly what is happening in our moment- to-moment experience. When we are mindful of fear, for instance, we are aware that our thoughts are racing, that our body feels tight and shaky, that we feel compelled to flee-and we recognize all this without trying to manage our experience in any way, without pulling away. Our attentive presence is unconditional and open-we are willing to be with whatever arises, even if we wish the pain would end or that we could be doing something else. That wish and that thought become part of what we are accepting. Because we are not tampering with our experience, mindfulness allows us to see life "as it is." This recognition of the truth of our experience is intrinsic to Radical Acceptance: We can't honestly accept an experience unless we see clearly what we are accepting.

The second wing of Radical Acceptance, #compassion, is our capacity to relate in a tender and sympathetic way to what we perceive. Instead of resisting our feelings of fear or grief, we embrace our pain with the kindness of a mother holding her child. Rather than judging or indulging our desire for attention or chocolate or sex, we regard our grasping with gentleness and care. Compassion honors our experience; it allows us to be intimate with the life of this moment as it is. Compassion makes our acceptance whole-hearted and complete.