Be Happy... 😊

बहुत दिन बाद पकड़ में आई खुशी तो पूछा

कहाँ रहती हो आजकल ?

ज्यादा मिलती नहीं ?

"यही तो हूँ"

जवाब मिला।

बहुत भाव खाती हो खुशी

कुछ सीखो

अपनी बहन "परेशानी" से

हर दूसरे दिन आती है

हमसे मिलने।

आती तो मैं भी हूं

पर आप ध्यान नही देते।

"अच्छा"...

शिकायत होंठो पे थी कि

उसने टोक दिया बीच में.

मैं रहती हूँ कभी

आपकी बच्चे की

किलकारियो में,

कभी

रास्ते मे मिल जाती हूँ

एक दोस्त के रूप में,

कभी

एक अच्छी फिल्म

देखने में,

कभी

गुम कर मिली हुई

किसी चीज़ में,

कभी

घरवालों की परवाह में,

कभी

मानसून की

पहली बारिश में

कभी

कोई गाना सुनने में

दरअसल

थोड़ा- थोड़ा बाँट देती हूँ

खुद को

छोटे छोटे पलों में

उनके अहसासों में

लगता है चश्मे का नंबर

बढ़ गया है आपका,

सिर्फ बड़ी चीज़ो में ही

ढूंढते हो मुझे

खैर...

अब तो पता मालूम

हो गया ना मेरा...

ढूंढ लेना मुझे आसानी से अब छोटी छोटी बातों में...

Be Happy...

The Gray Rock Method

 

Learn to detach with the Gray Rock Method

Dealing with narcissistic people (self-serving people who lack empathy and have an inflated sense of their own importance) can be maddening. It is usually best to avoid narcissists altogether, if you can. If you can’t escape them – perhaps because you have to work with one or cooperate with one in your family – it can be very tempting to argue with them, criticise them, and scream, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ However, you will never win, so it’s best you hold your tongue when you are tempted to fight them.

What is the Gray Rock Method?

The intention of the Grey Rock method is that you embody all the thrill and personality of a grey rock. If successful, the emotionally unbalanced person will lose all interest in you. It’s not the No Contact method; you allow contact with them but only give them boring, unsatisfying responses so as to not fuel their ego. These people crave drama in some form, and the Gray Rock Method retrains their brain to expect that you won’t fulfil this desire.

This method can be used to deal with malignant narcissists and psychopaths, but also attention-seeking people and drama queens. It can be used to break up a negative relationship or avoid becoming a target to these people in the first place.

Sadly, sometimes these narcissistic people can be people you have frequent, unavoidable contact with, like a colleague or boss, parents or family members, or a narcissistic ex with whom you must co-parent.

This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person,”

Here are six tips to keep in mind if you’re considering this strategy.

1. Know when to use it (and when not to)
2. Offer nothing
3. Disengage and disconnect.
4. Keep necessary interactions short
5. Don’t tell them what you’re doing
6.Avoid diminishing yourself

झाँसी की रानी

 होवे चुप इतिहास,

लगे सच्चाई को चाहे फाँसी
हो मदमाती विजय,
मिटा दे गोलों से चाहे झाँसी,

तेरा स्मारक तू ही होगी,
तू खुद अमिट निशानी थी
बुंदेले हरबोलों के मुँह
हमने सुनी कहानी थी,
खूब लड़ी मर्दानी
वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी

~ सुभद्राकुमारीचौहान

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encourages people to embrace their thoughts and feelings rather than fighting or feeling guilty for them.

ACT in simple terms: it is a type of therapy that aims to help patients accept what is out of their control, and commit instead to actions that enrichen their lives.

It is "a unique empirically based psychological intervention that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies, together with commitment and behavior change strategies, to increase #psychological #flexibility.”

The founder of ACT has also offered a definition of ACT in terms familiar to the psychology field:

“a psychological intervention based on modern behavioral psychology, including Relational Frame Theory, that applies mindfulness and acceptance processes, and commitment and behavior change processes, to the creation of psychological flexibility” (Hayes, “The Six Core Processes of ACT”).

Six core processes of ACT guide patients through therapy and provide a framework for developing psychological flexibility . These six core processes of ACT include the following:

1. Acceptance;
2. Cognitive Defusion;
3. Being Present;
4. Self as Context;
5. Values;
6. Committed Action.

We are not only what happens to us. We are the ones experiencing what happens to us.

Steven C. Hayes, a psychology professor at the University of Nevada, developed ACT in 1986 (Harris, 2011). Hayes disagreed that suffering and pain are to be avoided and buffered whenever possible. He saw suffering as an inevitable and essential part of being human, as well as a source of fulfillment when we do not flee from what scares us.

Big 5 Personality Traits

The differences between people’s personalities can be broken down in terms of five major traits—often called the “Big Five.” Each one reflects a key part of how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. The Big Five traits are:

Openness to experience (includes aspects such as intellectual curiosity and creative imagination)

Conscientiousness (organization, productiveness, responsibility)

Extroversion (sociability, assertiveness; its opposite is Introversion)

Agreeableness (compassion, respectfulness, trust in others)

Neuroticism (tendencies toward anxiety and depression)

Individual personalities are thought to feature each of these five broad traits to some degree. When the traits are measured, some people rate higher and others rate lower: Someone can be more conscientious and less agreeable than most people, for instance, while scoring about average on the other traits. These traits remain fairly stable during adulthood.

People can also differ on the more specific facets that make up each of the Big Five traits. A relatively extroverted person might be highly sociable but not especially assertive.

The five-factor model is widely used by personality researchers, but it is not the only model. A more recently introduced six-factor model known as HEXACO adds the factor of honesty-humility to the original five traits.

Contents -:

Measuring the Big Five

Why the Big Five Matter

Other Personality Tests

How the Big Five Personality Traits Are Measured

The Big Five traits are typically assessed using one of multiple questionnaires. While these tests vary in the exact terms they use for each trait, they essentially cover the same broad dimensions, providing high-to-low scores on each: openness to experience (also called open-mindedness or just openness), conscientiousness, extroversion (the reverse of which is introversion), agreeableness, and neuroticism (sometimes negative emotionality or emotional stability).

One test, the latest version of the Big Five Inventory, asks how much a person agrees or disagrees that he or she is someone who exemplifies various specific statements, such as:

“Is curious about many different things” (for openness, or open-mindedness)

“Is systematic, likes to keep things in order” (for conscientiousness)

“Is outgoing, sociable” (for extroversion)

“Is compassionate, has a soft heart” (for agreeableness)

“Is moody, has up and down mood swings” (for neuroticism, or negative emotionality)

Based on a person’s ratings for dozens of these statements (or fewer, for other tests), an average score can be calculated for each of the five traits.

What does your score on the Big Five tell you?

Scores on a Big Five questionnaire provide a sense of how low or high a person rates on a continuum for each trait. Comparing those scores to a large sample of test takers—as some online tests do—offers a picture of how open, conscientious, extroverted (or introverted), agreeable, and neurotic one is relative to others.

How were the Big Five traits determined?

Analyzing English words used to describe personality traits, researchers used statistical techniques to identify clusters of related characteristics. This led to a small number of overarching trait dimensions that personality psychologists have scientifically tested in large population samples.

Who developed the Big Five personality traits?

Do Big Five tests measure more specific traits?

Why the Big Five Personality Traits Are Important ?

The five-factor model not only helps people better understand how they compare to others and to put names to their characteristics. It’s also used to explore relationships between personality and many other life indicators. These include consequential outcomes such as physical health and well-being as well as success in social, academic, and professional contexts. Personality psychologists have observed reliable associations between how people rate on trait scales and how they fare or feel, on average, in various aspects of their lives.

What can Big Five scores tell us about other outcomes?
Quite a lot, at least in Western samples. There is reliable evidence, for example, that extroversion is associated with subjective well-being, neuroticism with lower work commitment, and agreeableness with religiousness. Certain traits have been linked to mortality risk. However, these are overall patterns and don’t mean that a trait necessarily causes any of these outcomes.

Can Big Five personality traits change?
Yes. While personality trait measures tend to be fairly consistent over short periods of time in adulthood, they do change over the course of a lifetime. There’s also reason to believe that deliberate personality change is possible.

The Big Five and Other Personality Tests

Various ways of representing major traits have been proposed, and personality researchers continue to disagree on the number of distinct characteristics that can be measured. The five-factor model dominates the rest, as far as psychologists are concerned, although multiple types of assessments exist to measure the five traits.

Outside of academic psychology, tests that aim to sort people into personality types—including the Myers-Briggs/MBTI and Enneagram—are highly popular, though many experts take issue with such tests on scientific grounds. The five-factor model has conceptual and empirical strengths that others lack.

How do Big Five tests compare to the Myers-Briggs?
For a number of reasons, many personality psychologists consider Big Five tests superior to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. These include concerns about the reliability of the types assigned by the Myers-Briggs and the validity of the test—though there is some overlap between its dimensions (which include extroversion-introversion) and the Big Five.

Do the Big Five capture personality types?
It depends on how strictly you define a “type.” Research indicates that for any given trait, people fall at various points along a continuum rather than fitting neatly into categories. While some identify wholeheartedly as a total extrovert or introvert, for example, there are many shades in between, and most of us would score somewhere in the middle.

DBT - Wise Mind: Balancing Emotion and Reason (Part-5)

DBT - Wise Mind: Balancing Emotion and Reason - Are there times where you make impulsive decisions based on how you’re feeling in the moment? What about other times where you convince yourself that your feelings don’t matter and make decisions purely based on facts, what you “should do” or what is “right?” Who is the wisest person you know?

Think for a moment…. This is the person that you would go to for advice about a situation. The person who would help you balance the cold, hard fact with your feelings & the things that are most important to you as a person. What advice has this person given you in the past about things? What is it about them that makes you think they are “wise? Is this different than if they were “smart? What is “Wise Mind?” 

 In short, in DBT “Emotion Mind” refers to a state of mind where you make decisions based purely on your feelings and emotions. This may be yelling something hurtful out of anger, binging or purging food to change feelings of sadness and aloneness, or quitting something because you’re afraid of failure just to name a few examples. 

On the other hand, “Reasonable Mind” is the complete opposite. Many people believe they should operate in this state of mind where all decisions are made devoid of emotion and based purely on reason and logic. This mind state considers facts, rigid ideals and self judgments. For instance, you may ignore your feelings of anger at a friend who hurts you or reschedule your day because you “should” say yes when your mom asks you to do something. Wise Mind is the synthesis of these two opposites. Wise Mind means acting in a rational way that helps you accomplish your goals while still acknowledging and honoring your feelings.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills (D-E-A-R M-A-N DBT SubSkill) Part-4

What on earth is D-E-A-R M-A-N and how is it supposed to help you get what you want in relationships?

This mnemonic device was developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan as a component of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to help remind people of the basic skills involved in getting what you want in relationships in a healthy manner.

It is important in all of our relationships that we feel capable of communicating with others about our expectations in relationships.

Dialectical behavior therapy skills (DBT skills) offer tips for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, The Middle Path, and interpersonal effectiveness. DEAR MAN is a subskill of interpersonal effectiveness. You can use it to resolve a conflict or make a request in a respectful and effective way that maintains a relationship. “DEAR MAN” is an acronym, with each letter representing its own skill. As you study and implement these skills, you’ll find that having hard conversations becomes easier over time.

#Describe the situation in a simple way. State only the facts in your description. At this point, you’re not expressing your feelings or asking for anything. You’re setting up for the conversation using facts.

#Express how you’re feeling using “I” statements. An “I” statement means that you’re taking accountability and prevents the other person from going into defense mode.

#Assert by either asking for your need or saying no firmly (depending on the situation). To “assert” your needs means that you are asking for what you want in a clear and strong way. Don’t beat around the bush or don’t allude to what you want.

#Reinforce by making sure that the other person knows why they should grant your request.

(stay) #Mindful. Try not to become distracted by things going on around you. Instead, do your best to stay focused on the conversation. If the person you’re talking to is acting defensive, try to keep the conversation on course.

#Appear #Confident. Regardless of how you feel on the inside, present yourself as though you feel confident. Do this by keeping your head up, standing or sitting up straight, making direct eye contact, and speaking loudly and clearly.

#Negotiate. Remember that you aren’t demanding anything, you’re asking for something. If the person you’re speaking with isn’t on board with your request, remember the phrase “give to get”. You might need to alter your request to make it more appealing to the other person. Have a conversation about how you might be able to resolve the problem together. In the end, you’ll be able to come to a solution that works for both of you.

Read about it & Practice on daily basis !! See the magic ❤️❤️